When You Decide to Rewrite Your Life

Failure Into Fuel Series featuring Stephanie from The Backpacking Mom

Have you ever felt bitter and angry in what felt like a huge failure in motherhood?  

I recently chatted with my friend Stephanie from The Backpacking Mom who shared how she was muddling through life after marrying and divorcing young and thereby "failing" to keep her family together.  

Despite all the heaviness she felt, she had a burning desire in her heart to adventure, so she researched, planned, and then headed out on the trail for a 2 day, 3 night 18 mile backpacking trip with her then 7 year old son.  Stephanie created more than just memories on that life changing adventure - she cultivated an inner strength to rewrite a new life story she was proud of.

Stephanie's journey through motherhood is raw and relatable and demonstrates how perseverance can change our lives if we just keep moving. Read on below or head over to my instagram account to watch the full interview where she vulnerably shares her story and her best advice to rewrite an adventure filled life you’re proud of.

Stephanie from The Backpacking Mom. Photo courtesy of The Backpacking Mom.

"The only thing that separates us from true failure is stopping - no movement. And if you just continue along the path, your life can look completely different than it does today. In a year, even in three months.  It's amazing."

-Stephanie from The Backpacking Mom

Note: This transcript is auto-generated. Though transcripts are largely accurate, discrepancies and errors may occur.

Nikki: Well, thank you for joining me. I'm so excited to do this with someone else. I've been in my own head doing failure into fuel for so long that it feels good to connect and feel other people's stories and share failures from other people. 

Stephanie: Yes, yes. And there are plenty. I know we were chit chatting before. I was like, I don't know what to pick…a lot to choose from!  So…

Nikki: I hear you. And I think it's so important that we do share because here on Instagram, it's always shiny and sparkly. And it's everyone's highlight reels and there are sprinkles here and there of real life. But I think it's really important to share our real life behind the scenes struggles, because that's when we really feel seen and heard and feel like we’re not alone. 

Stephanie: Totally. Yes. I mean, part of like, what I really try to post about is like when things do go wrong on the trip, I'll be the first to admit that our adventures go awry all the time. And just yeah, a more personal side, because it's very easy to compare on Instagram, just these shiny, beautiful moments, which is just a small piece of our lives. There's so much behind that. 

Nikki: So yeah, I mean, even just last week, you posted something and I was like, “Yes! This resonates!” and it was something that was shiny and pretty. And you made me feel seen and heard. And I was like that's where it's at. Like that's, that's the beauty of Instagram is like feeling seen, heard.  Like, ah, yes, that's me. 

Stephanie: So that's the best part of Instagram is finding like your people. 

Nikki: Totally. Okay, so we're gonna try and make this short and sweet. And just

go through three questions about failure, and give everyone just a little taste of behind the scenes and what some of your failures have been. So what's the failure that you've experienced through momhood that you want to share today? 

Stephanie: Yeah, so I think when I look back on the the grand scheme of my life, and kind of what was that, that big failure moment, you know, I was married super young. I had a kid super young and that marriage, we got a divorce after seven years. And it just felt like the ultimate failure, right? Like, you can't keep your family together. There were so many question marks, you know, and now I was the full time provider, I had to work full time, I had never adventured with these kids by myself, but that had become such a huge part of my heart and soul. And I just really had to work through like, what it looked like to be a single mom and still keep that part of myself alive. And there were so many years of like, bitterness, just being angry that I had to work. Not really being able to fuel that that part of my life, and just really muddling through, like living in an apartment that was not like the best. 

And even like being on food stamps for a while.  There were times where I'm just like, “This is not coming together for me.”  And just some some lowest of the lows of my life and really coming out on the other side of persevering through that and persisting and really like building a life because that's the one beauty of being single.  I can say, okay, like how do you want this to look you can - you can write the story. And just really starting to write a story that I was proud of, that I wanted - being the mom I was proud of, being the adventure mom I was proud of. And you know, it's really come full circle because in those moments, I was so bitter about having to work and provide and felt so left, and now I quit my job.

I’m an adventurer full time and I realized that's a huge privilege. But the behind the scenes of that has been a lot of failure in my business, and a lot of pushing through not knowing if it was gonna work or if I'd ever be able to do it. Kind of taking the leap before I was ready. But yeah, I would say that the failure of my marriage being a single mom and, and really having to start over at Ground Zero, and deciding whether that was going to be the end of my story that was going to define me, or pushing through to create something beautiful out of like, what felt like ashes. 

Nikki: Yeah. 

Stephanie: So that's the biggest one for me. 

Nikki: So I'm curious, when you say like, you had this, “I get to rewrite my story.”  Do you have one memory or one specific event that kind of like, made that light bulb go off for you where you were like, I don't have to stay stuck. I don't have to stay here. Like, I get to rewrite my story? 

Stephanie: Yeah. I remember really wanting to get outside with my kids still being pretty intimidated, because I was a single woman and kinda making a choice. I was like, “You know what, like, I can do this.”  And I took a lot of time to educate myself on the trails and what hazards I might find. I just was so prepared. And I went out and me and my son did our first two night three day backpacking, solo trip through the Sawtooths, I think it was eighteen miles.

And we had the best time.  He was seven. And it was amazing. Coming back, I was just like, mind blown. Yeah.  I can do this. Like, I can do this. So it was a huge moment where like, like, you said lightbulb moment. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, I got this!”

Nikki: I just got the goosebumps, like, having that moment where you feel empowered, and feel like this is, this is what I want more of, and you feel alive. And you feel like this is where life's at. I feel like it just propels you into more action. 

Stephanie: Totally. Yeah, it was kind of like game on from there. I was like, yeah, yeah, like, funny audio, where it's like, I did this once. And that's my personality, like, it was very,

very true, you know, kind of from that moment, it's just turned into bigger, more adventurous things. And we really just kind of take it off.

Nikki: So if you were to share, like how you're implementing that lesson now, and how other people can implement your lesson. What would you share? 

Stephanie: I think, like, your story is just never over. Right? 

Nikki: It's not Yeah. 

Stephinie: And you do get a say, and it's never as quick as we want. You know, like, it's already goals I have, there's places I'd like to be right now that I'm just not. But you have to stay. And if you just continue, I feel like the only thing that separates us from true failure is stopping - no movement. And if you just continue along the path, your life can look completely different than it does today. In a year, even in three months.  It's amazing. 

So yeah, I would just say, continue, like persevere. And if you have a goal, if you have something that your heart is like, just on fire about, then you just you really just have to keep going. That's literally that's it. 

Nikki: It's funny, I read you wrote that, at some point in the last probably few months about like, true success is just not stopping, like not giving into like, “oh, I failed.”  So I'm just gonna stop. I wrote that on my fridge. And I look at that every single day. Because, yeah, like, honestly, as, long as we keep taking action, as long as we keep pushing forward, then it's not truly a failure. It's just a lifelong lesson. 

Stephanie: Hey, I mean, you can apply that to other things. The Instagram thing can feel very, like lonely place when you're trying to build this build business or build a following or somehow make this your full time gig. You can just be like, “Oh my gosh,” because to to open up Instagram and show up every day is to willingly submit yourself to constant comparison.  Not pretty enough. Not good enough. My content isn't enough. My adventures are too small. You know. And so I've like had to have that mantra. Like, look, the only thing stopping me is if I stop.

Nikki: Yeah, it's so easy to get caught up in that comparison game, whether it's on Instagram, whether it's out on a trail, likeI easily get caught up in the “oh, I don't belong in the trail because I don't have all the gear or because I don't have the experience.”  And this week, I took my kids hiking and I was like, everyone belongs - like you just have to do it. You just have to get out. You just have to take that first step because now we did it. And my brain has evidence that “Oh, I belong.”  It takes that one time to get out there and just like push past a discomfort to just do it.

Stephanie: Totally. Because I think sometimes in our heads we work things up into being bigger. And even when I climbed Mount Baker with my son and I had a friend walking like just keep walking I'm like, yeah, just keep just keep walking.

I do try to share a lot about my early adventures when the gear that I did not have and what I took because you know, the adventurer I am today been over a decade of experience and learning and mistakes and not taking the right gear not having gear and just going anyway, I want to do so.  And I'm just going.

Nikki: I mean, I think just going is like such a beautiful theme like you just talked about like your life and how we don't realize that that really is such a beautiful mantra. Because we don't look back often enough to how far we've come. We just think about the here and then now. And you sharing your story right now if someone goes on your Instagram page, and maybe just looks at your first couple posts, they think like, oh, Glamour, but like, people don't know, like, it's been a long 10 year journey. Like you just said food stamps like it, you have a history of persevering. It's not just like one shiny box on Instagram. And so I think it's really awesome to share this story. And to and to let people kind of see that it's not a snapshot. It's a whole process of failures and perseverance. 

Stephanie: Absolutely, yeah. And I really admire this series how you've talked about it in your own life. And I love that you're gonna share some more stories as the week's go by. I’m excited to tune in and hear because everyone has a story. Like no one is pulling this off flawlessly. And if they tell you that they are, they're lying. 

Nikki: Yeah, totally. BS!

Stephanie: Absolutely. I mean, we like everyone has a story and everyone struggles, you know, behind anyone, none of this is just happening. Whatever it is, it has not just arrived upon your doorstep. 

Nikki: Right, right. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for chatting failure with me. This was so fun. I love hearing your story. And yeah, it's just been such a pleasure chatting with you. 

Stephanie: Yes. I'm happy we could have a little bit of coffee on a Friday morning.

And yeah, I just can't wait to hear more. So I hope you have a great rest of your day. 

Nikki: Thanks. You too. Enjoy all the laundry and getting caught up and doing all the things.

Stephanie: It'll be great!

Nikki: All right, take care. Bye, Stephanie. 

Stephanie: Thanks, bye.